Depending on who you talk to , the future of sexual activity may beteledildonics . Orvirtual reality . Or distressingly hotfleshlights . But the one thing almost everyone can concur upon ? The hereafter of sex is not a pump - activity dildo you lash to your chin . Nor is it any of these other bizarre , terrifying , and wondrous weird sex - improve patent aspirer .
We scoured Google ’s patent database to find the most preposterous — and often wildly dangerous — gender - based patent innovation filed by some of history ’s most misguided engine driver . But with sexuality - craze humans being as forward-looking as they are , there are undoubtedly some horrific sex activity add - ons we ’ve missed . Know of one yourself ? apportion it with the class below . Please , this is a good quad .
Water massage apparatus
Otherwise known as : raging tub dildo machine
file away : January 9 , 1900
How it would play in a perfect world :
This conception relates to improvement in an apparatus to be used for therapeutically treating or administering to the human consistence or organisation or portions therefrom a massage discourse , and while it is more especially designed for the use of women in the treatment of disease peculiar to the distaff sexual activity , yet it may be utilize by men .
How it would actually shape : Restless women name with “ hysteria ” get to sit on a communal dildo inside a communal raging bathing tub , portion out communal yeast infections .
Oscillating intercourse simulator
Otherwise experience as : Dildo banging random access memory
Filed : June 18 , 2003
The artificial penis is move by the vibrate pendulum . The pendulum is drive by the crankshaft with the galvanizing motor . To conform the vibrate bounty , slide the crankshaft up , or down , along the pendulum . When the crankshaft slides up , the oscillating amplitude increases ; when it skid down , the amplitude decreases .
How it would actually work : While we ’re not entirely sure why the artificial phallus has to be depict in two pieces , we take on it is due to the sheer strength of the motorized battering ram . In which case , demise by dildo .
Sex toy has cavity with cavity opening and closure provided on cavity opening, where one or multiple meaningful materials or objects are formed in cavity
Otherwise known as : The best agency to sleep with a flower
Filed : December 28 , 2010
One or multiple meaningful materials or objects are organize in the caries . The cavity paries expanse or partial areas have mutually different transparencies . The sex toy dog is integrally formed from a material or from multiple part or materials . The sex toy is part or altogether made from liquid - tight fabric , which is stretchable or solid , in particular jelly , silicone , credit card , wood , metal , glass or acrylic glass .
How it would actually do work : From the school text itself , it would seem that what you are obtain is a clear dildo . That way , you’re able to insert the photo / flower / lock chamber of hair / actual human extremity of your choosing and proceed to have sex activity with it without in reality inserting blossom / free hair into your body . The diagram , however , mean something far more complex .
Presumably , mud flaps are optional .
Thrusting rod
Otherwise recognize as : Pump - activity face phallus
Filed : August 5 , 1999
The piston rod has an initial position in which a first cylinder space is at a upper limit and a second cylinder space is at a lower limit and an extended situation in which the first cylinder blank is at a minimum and the 2nd cylinder place at a maximum . A pump supplies a fluid under pressure to move the Walter Piston pole in an strain direction .
How it would actually work : perpetual loneliness .
Method and device for inducing erotic stimulation while asleep
Otherwise have it off as : Sleep timer vibrator
Filed : September 18 , 2010
A vibration gimmick for inducing titillating arousal at a pre - fit time , including a housing , a magnate source for power the vibration gimmick ; a timing unit ; include timekeeper control circuitry cast aside within the housing and electrically coupled to the power source , an offset weight drive by a motor and powered by the powering source to get vibrations and transmit a vibratory apparent motion to a region of the body at the pre - determined time .
How it would actually work : You are perpetually tired after your terrible dark ’s sopor of being periodically woken up by the red metal vagina alarm clock clock inside your trunk .
Device for protection against infectious diseases
Otherwise known as : Body safety
file : June 29 , 1990
The present invention concerns a twist for protection against transmitted disease consisting of an outside masking made of a flexible plastic material , preferably vaporous , covering a part at least of the physical structure and comprising agency ( 9 ) for attach a sheath ( 4 ) . It also link to a cocktail dress for implementation on such protection twist . program for combating infectious disease .
How it would actually puzzle out : You successfully live your entire life history knowing neither ebola nor the mite of another human being .
Rotating sex machine
Otherwise acknowledge as : Rotating sexuality machine
Filed : July 9 , 2010
The horizontal reenforcement and bearing meeting place are design so that this axis of rotation of rotation is coaxal with the longitudinal axis vertebra of thesex electronic organ of the female person when she is supported on the horizontal support in the supine position . The height of the horizontal support and base are adjustable . Thus the height of the female ’s sexual practice organ can be adjusted for incursion by a male cooperator ’s gender organ when the manful pardner is place upright at the right remainder of the horizontal support .
How it would actually work : The same way having sex activity with someone sire a CAT scan works .
Feminine napkin allows external sexual intercourse
Otherwise make love as : sex activity pad
Filed : June 22 , 1995
A orotund bag is attached to the front side of the napkin . The bag is in the size and shape of the vagina to give the husband the same intimate feelings . The round bag has an opening and rings , windings and protrusions , as well as a suitable cream . This bag has also a downward filename extension for fixing the napkin on the vagina possible action when the woman lies on her back . The fixing extension is placed between the rumps and may be coated by an adhesive material . The circular bag can be taken off the table napkin and dispose while extend to use the napkin .
How it would actually put to work : What do you mean you do n’t want to put your penis inside my menses sexual activity grip ? ! ? Where are you going ? ! ?
Erotic simulator
Otherwise have sex as : Mechanical Gene Simmons
file : December 13 , 1995
The stimulator represent a elastic , elongated member having a embouchure at its base end whereby a drug user can misrepresent the stimulator while leaving the hands spare during gynecologic stimulation with the machine . The equipment has a plurality of elevate projections on its aerofoil to supply enhanced stimulation to the more sensible sphere of the female physical body .
How it would actually work : I do n’t solely live , but according to the patent “ the demand for such products is incontestable . ”
Well in that character . sell !
Breast development apparatus
Otherwise known as : Boob plunger
Filed : November 4 , 1974
A white meat evolution apparatus consisting of a set of identical plunger each having a grip and a resilient hemi - global cup fellow member with a froth liner cast out altogether about the interior surface thereof , the setup accommodate to have the loving cup placed over a fair sex ’s breasts and , through use thereof by habit of the grip in a back and forth direction create suction with the physical structure border the chest to draw the breast into the loving cup to stimulate the bosom and to heighten and develop the size of the breast through frequent exercise therefrom .
How it would actually work : resolve endless uncomfortable questions about where those bruises came from .
Bonus:Security underwear device for sexual organs
Otherwise roll in the hay as : ? ? ?
The devise is made up of one covering fire for the genital and another cover for anal retentive opening and they can be worn either individually or in combination . Additional attachments stop the approaching male genital from getting in touch with the female genital . meeting place of both units is worn like a bikini and locked on to a steel belt ammunition around the waist . Both major component of the gimmick can open on their own and nigh as ask . Therefore the wearer can urinate and go commode without taking off the gadget . All components of the equipment are made of materials too hard to cut or get around .
How it would actually work : Once again , eternal loneliness .
Animation by Jim Cooke
Designpatents
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