Times are tough , but Bible on the street is that picture games could berecession test copy . That ’s why we predict purveyor of the medium will sign off on even more dubitable game adaptations of movies . Afterscratching our headsover the troubling Watchmen : The End Is Nigh plot , a denudate endeavor to cash in on the March movie , we decided to do the Hollywood gaming industriousness a solid by providing this handy scout to cardinal picture easily left unmolested . Read up , little pimps ! The Seventh Seal ( dir . Ingmar Bergman ) Amid a stark , doomsday landscape painting , a Scandinavian knight swop for his biography with an attendant Grim Reaper by instigating the slowest cheat match ever . Game gurus , if you must adapt this , at least have mercy on our souls by guess the belated , kerrazy Bobby Fisher square off against Death from Bill & Ted ’s Bogus Journey in a heated up bout of Battleship . Groundhog Day ( dir . Harold Ramis ) suppose a game that never really advances , no matter how many levels you pass . Even Bill Murray ’s delightfully smug mug ca n’t get you through that existential crisis .
Apocalypse Now ( dir . Francis Ford Coppola ) The director already adapted his Godfather to the medium , so why Milk River one of his other not bad masterpieces ? Because hearing lines about napalm and horrors and Disneyland is n’t almost as fun as deploy make-believe napalm , instigating imaginary horrors , and endure a fake Disneyland — in what would fundamentally be a hide - and - go - seek search for a kooky , melodramatic chubby dude with a God complex . The Incredible Shrinking Woman ( dir . Joel Schumacher ) An boredom - afflicted housewife begins to physically downsize after huffing a unusual brewage of chemicals . While front for a curative , she assumes an infinitesimal size . As new as it ’d be to helm a game star Lily Tomlin circa 1980 , we ’d rather tango with The Atom .
Zapped ! ( dir . Robert J. Rosenthal ) Show of hands : Who wants to recreate the puberulent shenanigans of the sexed - starved , telekinetic Chachi and/or Buddy Lembeck ? Cocoon ( dir . Ron Howard ) erstwhile folk carouse in a fountain of youth / swim pool that ’s fuel by alien pod . cunning ! That is , until your cumbersome controller skills make a geriatric to take a optical maser ray to the brain ( hey , peaceful noncitizen do n’t make for a compelling game ) . And that ’s only one gradation bad than killing a naked infant , you mother fucker .
Zardoz ( dir . John Boorman ) Now , do n’t slip us : battling foes whilst wearing a crimson linen paper thraldom / sumo get - up completely sounds like a good fourth dimension . The fact that most of those foes are complacent ? Sort of a bummer . ( Props to io9 compadre Graeme McMillan for this suggestion . ) Naked Lunch ( dir . David Cronenberg ) I was go to single out Twin Peaks : Fire Walk With Me on this list , but plainly the baron That Be conform the David Lynch TV show into a biz a while back . ( Truth be told , the riddle Log Lady as storyteller or interstitial jig from that nanus dude could be nothing short of awing . ) So I instead turn to Naked Lunch , William Burroughs ’ junkie think over about folks who get gamy off insecticide and commence watch giant bug and poppycock . How to play a mind - numbing plot that whoop it up in sensory overburden but does n’t make a lick of common sense ?
Plan 9 From Outer Space ( dir . Ed Wood ) Yes , Konami made a Plan 9 biz in ’ 92 . But since hi - fi technology clearly has no place in the Ed Wood oeuvre , let ’s learn from foolishness past . Encino Man ( dir . Les Mayfield ) Pauly Shore and Sean Astin ascertain and de-ice a frozen cave man ! Then he gets a makeover . Aaaaaaand that ’s reasonably much it .
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